I am a practicing Christian; a work in progress. I attend church, go to Bible studies, pray, tithe and talk about God and His impact on my life. I don’t pretend to have it all figured out, but I do acknowledge that I am on the right path. Life is wonderful, but my thoughts sometimes drift to my past self.
I don’t think about her much because she abused drugs and disregarded her sexual boundaries. I wonder if she will ever have a part in my current life – the life I have managed to scrape up from her ruins and have allowed God to make beautiful. Will she embarrass and shame me again, or could God use her for some purpose?
It has taken my so long to crawl out of the hole she left me in. If I mention her existence, will I dive back into that hole and pick up a shovel? Will I change people’s current positive views of me? I believe we go through trials in our life for a reason and God can turn something ugly into something beautiful.
I have seen God take that young self-destructive woman and change her into the hard-working, faithful, happy woman I am today. I know God will continue to change me, and tomorrow I will be an even better person. I believe that God may have a place for my past self in my future, and she may possibly help others going down the same destructive path.
My present self has a heart full of God’s love and a changed focus that is firmly on Him. I pray that my future self can look back at the girl I once was, grab her out of the dirt, clean her off and show her God’s mercy so that she may be able to influence the hearts of others for Christ.
“At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.”
– Titus 3:3-5 (NIV)
“Father, please help me to not feel shame, an emotion Jesus never attended us to have. Instead, show me how I can make my past into something that could be used to further Your kingdom. Reveal to me now ways that my mistakes can be used for good. . . .”