I went to a writers’ conference, and for the first time my son was without his mommy for five whole days. Ever since I came back, he has been extremely needy. He wants my attention constantly. He runs to me when Daddy or Auntie try to give him a hug (probably because they were the ones who watched him while I was gone). He wants to be carried all of the time, which is difficult since I am eight months pregnant. And he is having difficulty sleeping at night.
Now, I don’t feel guilt or shame for his behavior because I know that God wanted me to go on this trip. My son’s reactions are just his way of dealing with the fact that Mommy will not always be able to be there for him (though I wish that were possible). I know that soon he will assimilate back to his normal self, and he’ll ignore me for a toy or for Daddy once again. But his actions remind me of my actions with God.
Sometimes I feel like God leaves me during difficult situations. When I was a new Christian, God always made His will apparently clear. I never had to consider my options because God held my hand and directed me through everything. However, now that I’m maturing as follower of Christ, I sometimes feel less of His presence. I was very upset at Him at first. I wondered why He would leave me without any instruction.
However, I’ve come to realize that He wasn’t leaving me; He was doing what any good father would do and allowing me to find my own way using the wits that He instilled in me. God is expecting more from me and desires for me to be a strong Christian able to make decisions based on what I’ve learned. Now when I find myself in a difficult situation, I talk to God, rely on the Bible and take steps of faith.
I am honored that my Father would have so much faith in me! And if I do run into something I know that I can’t handle, I’m confident that He’ll pick me up before I fall and plant me back down again. I look forward to building confidence in my walk with Christ, and I can’t wait until the day God can sit back, relax and watch His daughter run the course like a pro!
“‘I will strengthen them in the Lord and in his name they will walk,’ declares the Lord.”
– Zechariah 10:12 (NIV)
“Father, help me to have confidence in myself that I can make the right decisions in my life. Show me how I can build my stamina as a Christian and strengthen my walk in You. I know that You will never leave me, and that You will not give me anything that I can not handle. Support me as I face…”
Alisa Hope Wagner