“How could your God let you go through this horrible tragedy in your life? Does He not love you?” My sister, a non-believer, said over the phone soon after my husband and I miscarried our second child a couple months ago.
Though I had my share of difficulties in my life including abandonment and both physical and mental abuse, they were nothing compared to losing a child, so I understood what she meant and her frustration. Just few days before, a friend of mine told me a story of her friend who just lost a baby girl three hours after she was born due to a birth defect – having no kidneys.
This woman knew of her baby’s fate in her early pregnancy but carried the child to full term knowing that the baby wouldn’t survive. How did she talk to her baby in her belly day by day knowing that she will not see her daughter grow to be a little princess and a godly woman?! My heart ached for her and I couldn’t imagine going through that.
And I wondered…did God spare me from going through such pain? Did He spare me from raising a handicapped child and the pain that comes with it? Was God trying to strengthen my faith by helping me to fully surrender myself to Him? There are so many possible reasons why I lost a child though I will never know the truth until I see my Father in heaven.
And then I answered my sister, “You have no idea how much God loves me and so many awful things He spared me from experiencing. I don’t understand it quite fully either but I know His ways and thoughts are higher than mine and I’m so grateful that my son is in heaven with Him without having to go through the pain and sufferings in this world.
Though it’s hard, God always provides a way out so that I can stand firm in my faith and I can’t wait for God to take me home someday so that I can be reunited with my son.”
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
– 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
“Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your unconditional love, grace and faithfulness. Indeed Your ways and thoughts are higher than mine and I pray that You will provide me with wisdom to understand Your plans for me and faith to surrender my life to You completely. I love You, Lord, and I’m so grateful for the many way-outs You provide for me when things are difficult to bear. I find great comfort knowing that You are always there for me and that You are ready to pick me up and carry me whenever I fall . . .”
Abi J. Moore